Ashes to Ashes
by StupidSequel
Summary: An unnecessarily confusing wild mass guessing that helps explain why Ash never ages as well as why he never seems to ever get any smarter. Also features a reference to the Lumiose City glitch.


**Ashes to Ashes**

Many, many years ago...

Delia Ketchum was in the hospital, pregnant. She squeezed out what will be Kanto Ash.

"It's a boy," the doctor declared.

"I'll name him Ash. Does that sound good to you, Giovanni?" Delia turned her head toward Giovanni. Giovanni nodded.

"So here's the plan. Every year I want to have an identical baby named Ash. Red was just a prototype. After beating the Elite 4, he just stayed in Mt. Silver like a hermit, bringing an infinite supply of razors. Every time an Ash reaches 10 years of age, that is their cue to go to the first town of any of the infinite regions of whatever planet this is and get their first Pokemon, along with their trademark Pikachus. Any Ashes that are about to turn 11 will need to report to Lumiose City and write in his diary outside so he can poof out of existence and not cause 2 Ashes to appear at once. If an Ash fails to complete his assigned region before turning 11, then he will have to give all his badges so far and all the Pokemon he's acquired to the next Ash and leave the region to report to Lumiose City." Viewers, this explains why Ash never ages as well as appearing to never learn anything despite doing exceedingly well in seasons past. Because you weren't looking at the same Ash.

When the Unova Ash had just got done with the Unova Pokemon league tournament, he headed back to Palette town for the mandatory mom meeting.

"Hai," Delia greeted. She was wearing a zebra striped tank top and orange jean shorts.

"Where's the X and Y region Ash?" Unova Ash asked.

"Right here," Delia pointed to an identical looking Ash.

"Well, since I'm about to hit 11, I guess I'll go take this secret tunnel to Lumiose City. By the way, X and Y Ash, when you turn 11, come back to Palette Town, beckon the next Ash to the next unoccupied region when he turns 10, and take the secret tunnel as well."

X and Y Ash took a plane to the X and Y region and arrived in the first town, along with Pikachu. (AN: I have never played Pokemon X or Y and I don't know anything about most of the cities, Pokemon, or gym leaders, nor do I have much interest, so this should be interesting.)

"The three starter Pokemon for this region are Froakie, Fennekin, and Chespin. Choose one." Ash did eeny miney moe, and then desisted.

"The Fennekin one looks mighty sexy. I think I will choose it."

"Alrighty," The professor went through a door and yelled something at men in hard hats. A few minutes later a conveyor belt started up and there were robot arms assembling fresh Fennekin parts.

"Here you go, sir, fresh off the assembly line," professor whatever handed Ash his Fennekin. It had that new Fennekin smell.

Ash was traveling the route to the first gym when he saw a wild (insert Pokemon). "Go, Fennekin," Ash sent out Fennekin. "Use flamethrower." Fennekin used flamethrower on (insert Pokemon). Ash threw a Pokeball.

"I CAUGHT A(N) (insert Pokemon). But that doesn't matter because Fennekin is sexier than any girl I will ever meet or have met."

After Ash got the 8th and final X and Y region badge, he flew back to palette town. He was 10 years and 364 days old. "Whew, that was close. Okay, next Ash, it's your turn now." It was the next Ash's 10th birthday. "Go to (insert name of 7th gen Pokemon region)." The X and Y Ash climbed into the secret tunnel.

"Hey, just out of curiosity, where does the tun-" The 7th gen Ash didn't finish his sentence before X and Y Ash was completely gone. "I'd better follow him."

Rather than go to the 7th gen region like he was supposed to, he followed the X and Y Ash thru the secret tunnel. X and Y Ash pushed up the manhole cover and they were in Lumiose City. The manhole cover had a picture of Thurgood Stubbs from The PJs on it.

"What are you doing here?" X and Y Ash demanded.

"Seeing where the tunnel leads." 7th gen Ash answered.

"Don't look, okay." X and Y Ash said. "It's for your own good."

"Kay," 7th gen Ash said. He went to do a little window shopping. The windows had a reflection, so he looked at the other Ash thru the reflection. The other Ash was writing in his diary and then he disintegrated. The 7th gen Ash gasped in horror. "I HAVE TO WARN THE OTHERS!"

7th gen Ash went back to Palette Town and went to a waiting room where a 9 year old, 8 year old, 7 year old, and so on Ashes were waiting, all chained up and given the occasional school cafeteria food. "Do not go on any kind of Pokemon journey when you turn 10 like you wanted! At some point you will be instructed by the previous Ash to go thru a secret tunnel before turning 11. Well, that secret tunnel leads to Lumiose city, which has a particular spot on the outskirts of the city where writing in your diary causes one to disintegrate." The other Ashes laughed at him. "Good one."

"You don't believe me? Fine." 7th gen Ash unchained all the other Ashes and led them thru the secret tunnel to Lumiose City. "Watch this. This is what will eventually happen if you all go on the Pokemon journey to be the best like no one ever was." 7th gen Ash wrote in his diary. POOF. The other Ashes fled back thru the tunnel in fear and ate their diaries.

Years later, the next Ash was nearly 11 and he still had not gone on his Pokemon journey. He woke up in Cheeto dust, belly covered in pizza crust, the couch was part of him, his NordicTrack was dusty and his Stairmaster was rusty, and there were cobwebs on his knees. The other Ashes were similarly out of shape. One of the Ashes stepped on the bathroom scale and caused a stack overflow.

A far cry from the other Ashes who were having the time of their lives in the Pokemon equivalent of heaven, or Nirvana, or Disney Land. If only they knew not to be afraid...


End file.
